On the Mend

Relationships. My understanding of them is that they can tend to be complicated, messy and difficult. I’m not saying they are impossible, but they’re hard. Not like going to work everyday hard. Relationships are  inventing, planning and building something great kind of hard – to do them well, anyways. And that’s a good thing. They’re nothing to be afraid of, but they certainly shouldn’t be taken lightly. There are two peoples’ lives and feelings involved. Again, not to overwhelm you. There are just some things to be considered. Life’s most precious things shouldn’t be easy, or as my dad always says, “Everyone would be doing it.” Unfortunately a lot of people are in them with little thought or care involved. I’ve been guilty of this many, many a time. Not to lay all my cards out on the table, but just a few months back I managed to royally get myself into a pickle. Relationships are a beautiful thing and should be cherished. I really didn’t cherish it. I took it forgranted, and was in it for the wrong reasons. Lesson learned this time. The breaking down and rebuilding of myself has been a bit painful to say the least. Sometimes I think I should have just taken an oath of singledom. But then again, but would be the point of life if we didn’t have someone to share and cherish it with?

In the past I’ve done a lot of comparing, judging and evaluating of my relationships and others. Relationships should not be compared, they should not be judged, they should not be evaluated. They should just be appreciated and cherished. How do you do that? Well, I’m no expert, but simply loving the person you are committed to is a start. If you’re married or have been with your partner for a significant period of time (I’d say over a year is a good amount of time to be serious), you should have thrown out the old man or woman and hired a new one. Because let’s face the reality: A relationship is about each other – two bodies in one. The left and right sides must work together so the body, mind and soul move in harmony.

This isn’t always easy for all of us. Some can lay it all down at the drop of a hat, while the rest of us tend to take our time. Contemplating, maybe? Waiting for the right time? Still lots we’d like to get done? I think a lot of the time when that person right in front of us is the right one, and we can’t decide we are thinking too much about what we want to change about them and not enough about what is great about them. A good friend once told me when he was making the decision he realized he had to come to realization he wasn’t perfect either, and there were a lot of things they had grace and acceptance for them.

Now that said, this doesn’t mean you won’t need to be in a few to learn. There are certainly a select few of us who can jump into our first one and find the love of our lives. But for most of us that just isn’t a reality. We’ve got to “work” through a few. They can start so well, but if we jump in to fast or committ for the wrong reasons, it usuall yends up backfiring. And breaking up with that person often hurts, a lot. There’s the memories, the mutual friends and often the families that are part of the fallout. It kind of feels like a big waste of time. I’ve certainly had a number of girls scream at me as they’ve run out the door. You wonder what you were thinking? Or how could you screw it up that bad? Well, don’t. Relationships aren’t a waste of time, granted you learn from your mistakes. The wrong ones will prepare you for the right one. And that’s an exciting thought. Like your first job. It likely won’t be your dream job. You’ve got to work through a few. I’ve learned and am ready for the right one… finally. My heart, mind, and soul have become one. I will leave you with this, one of my favorites, appropriate for a time such as this when things are on the mend.